Between a Man and His Fellow


Parsha Ki Tetze - Debarim/Deuteronomy 21:10 - 25:19

What are three words your friends and family would use to describe you?

… (take a second to think about it) ...

It may vary a little depending on who you ask, but as Yahudim, there are three words that should be near the top of the list, and this week’s readings reveal what they should be.

In Parsha Ki Tetze, Moshe nears the end of his second speech preparing Yisrael to enter the Land. He continues to review a long list of a wide variety of mitzvot (commandments).

In previous parshas, we talked about how these mitzvot help us form a strong, lasting bond with YAHUAH and be set-apart among the nations. In this parsha, another important aspect of the mitzvot shines through.

Through all these seemingly disconnected mitzvot, we see the type of people YAHUAH wants us to be.

YAHUAH wants us to be humble, kind, and compassionate.

Two Types of Mitzvot

In the Torah, all of the commandments can be classified into two categories: mitzvot bein adam l’Makom and mitzvot bein adam l’chaveiro, commandments between man and Elohim and commandments between man and fellow man.

Almost all of the mitzvot in Parsha Ki Tetze fall into the second category of bein adam l’chaveiro, between a man and his fellow man.

The list of mitzvot involve: marital relationships, raising children, returning lost objects, compassion for animals (and by extension, compassion for people), protecting others from injury, who not to marry (unkind ones), treatment of runaway slaves, applying interest, keeping our word, guarding our tongue, making loans, treatment and care for employees, giving to the needy, compassionate discipline, preserving the family, honesty, and more.

These mitzvot bein adam l'chaveiro not only help us form a righteous and peaceful society, but they also help us develop the inner qualities that YAHUAH wants us as individuals to have.

Though some may require us to dig through a few layers of understanding, every one of the mitzvot in this Parsha in some way concerns our involvement with another person. They may not be typical acts of kindness, but in some way, they all require us to think and see from another person's perspective.

YAH is instructing us on how to treat others, and if we follow these mitzvot bein adam l'chaveiro and treat others rightly, we'll develop the inner qualities of humility, kindness, and compassion.

Humility, the Foundation

To be genuinely kind and compassionate individuals, we must be humble. Humility is esteeming YAHUAH and others more than oneself. It’s seeing the greatness of Elohim and the goodness in all of His creations. Humility is lowering oneself in order to lift another up.

This is not always easy to do. There are some people who have a natural tendency toward humbleness, but most of us have to work on it.

All humans are born with a “me-first” instinct. This is why babies cry when they’re hungry with no regard to the fact that you’re sleeping or busy. All they know is what they need at that moment.

As we grow, we learn to restrain ourselves and think of others. (At least, we’re supposed to.) This growth must continue well into adulthood in order for us to truly become humble.

The mitzvot bein adam l’chaveiro help us with this type of growth. When we keep them, we learn to think of others - to be considerate and mindful of the needs, wants, and desires of another person. We learn to consider situations from their perspective, not just our own.

This curbs our “me-first” instinct. It deflates our ego, suppressing pride and arrogance, and defeats the i-dol of self.

Once we take our self out of the way, then we can truly care about somebody else. If I’m too full of myself, then I have no room in my heart or mind for another. I can’t see someone else’s situation if I’m too busy with my own.

Few of us would describe ourselves as being selfish. We’re good people, and we have a good heart. It’s just that sometimes we have so much going on in our own life that we just don’t see what’s going on in someone else’s. Sometimes our problems are so big (in our own estimation) that it blocks us from seeing anyone else.

We don’t mean to be oblivious, callous, or unkind. It's an unintended side effect.

To cure it, we need humility.

Humility allows us to put ourselves aside so we can see and consider someone else. It allows us to see another person’s situation despite what’s going on in our own life. It allows us to give and to help despite being in need ourselves.